Freedom of the boxes
I just finished tearing up a lovely, empty 2008-2009 planner for recycling. I don’t know what it is that draws me to these things. The covers are always attractive, and when I stare into the inside, the well-ordered lines and boxes fill me with longing. I CAN fit my life into these little boxes, and I will! And I will be ORGANIZED!
This one, besides being pink and striped and flowered, had both a monthly calendar view and a weekly one. I like these the best, although on paper they are complicated because you have to put your entry in twice or something gets missed. But coming from the youth ministry world, where things are often “every other Tuesday” or “First Sunday night” of the month, I grew very accustomed to having the monthly view. I think Google calendars is slowly curing me of that, though.
For years, I have mostly kept my calendar in my head, usually because I forgot to bring the planner or couldn’t find it when I needed to write something down. Keeping it in my head made it easier, in some respects–forcing myself to memorize the calendar meant that if I forgot to write it down, it was still in my head.
But the Flylady says to write everything down. Ok. I am getting a little better at this with Google calendars. I don’t quite trust myself enough to not keep any of my calendar in my head just yet. And neither do I have instant gCal access (via the iPhone, ahem) yet, so I am keeping some things in my head still.
I do need to work on the instinctive habit of saying “sure” without consulting both the calendar AND my brain. This is causing much trouble. I’m learning that I’m not a spontaneous person; when an event is called because of rain or other reasons, often I’ll forget that I was invited for another activity or that there is something else going on that I could do and make all new plans instead. It’s gotten embarrassing, a little.
i think I just need to trust Flylady and get better at writing it down. And get that iPhone!
Quote of the Week
This, dear friends and companions, is my amiable object — to walk with you through the Fair, to examine the shops and shows there; and that we should all come home after the flare, and the noise, and the gaiety, and be perfectly miserable in private.
~William Thackeray, Vanity Fair
But isn’t everyone else like this too?
Read an interesting article in Parade magazine about depression. What got my attention was the physical symptoms that can show up with depression, plus the losing focus bit. It all applied to the way I’ve been feeling almost every day for awhile now.
I know that I go up and down almost daily with being able to focus.
Even a good dream can pick me back up and make the day ok. But not having anywhere to go most days drags me down. And then even when I do have places to go, I can’t get my act together and I end up terribly late or I skip it altogether.
I hate to think of myself as being “depressed” or “having depression.” It’s such a negative way to look at things. I’m not a fan of paying a lot of money for prescription medicine either. But the article made sense. I don’t know. The author said that one way to start was to talk. But what about? Will have to think on this.
On the other hand, I think I am a bit of a “symptom collector,” although I try hard not to be. And I don’t think I’d go to see a doctor about half my symptoms. :) But then researching this, I come across a definition of hypochondria:
…A symptom of hypochondria is an obsessive need for information on diseases and illnesses. The hypochondriac will usually not believe the diagnoses of doctors and will try to find his or her own diagnosis of the perceived illness. Hypochondriacs spend a great a deal of the day worrying about and discussing their symptoms.
Hypochondria affects at least 6% of people. Many people believe that bad posture is an explanation for hypochondria. The word hypochondria comes from Greek words meaning “below” and “the ribs”. Hypochondria is a psychological problem that only professional treatment can cure.
But everyone’s like this, aren’t they?
Bored with unemployment, bored with work
The job market is getting slimmer, I guess positions are being filled. I’ve sent over 100 resumes in the month I’ve been unemployed, have heard nothing. Finally did talk to the unemployment office, turns out the delay is due to a duplicate claim. They are hoping to have it worked out by next week.
I was in Barnes & Noble last night for our writers group meeting, and I was on a mission to check out a book on non-profits. I didn’t find it, but while browsing through the business section (which I was pointed to by their unbelievably cool but slightly freaky computer map), I kept coming across “Start Your Own Business” books. (And books with titles like “Crash Course in Finding Work You Love” and “Keep Your Job!”.) Browsing through some of these made me realize that there really is no reason why i can’t just go into business for myself.
So I’m going to apply to Meetup. (I love the idea of their Community Evangelist position!). If that doesn’t work, I’ll get some brochures & business cards made up, and hire myself out as an on-call admin assistant and party/event planner. Tired of waiting for other people to call me (and at the same time, feeling that I have no skills because I’m NOT hearing anything). I can do this kind of thing. I made a list of all the support skills I could provide to a business. Also need a marketing plan, which will mostly be knocking on doors I think. But I’m going to stop there until I finish the meetup app! :)
Did I figure this out?
problems and confusion. trying to use windows live writer. i think i figured it out. weird that i can’t post from my amyhaha account to the getoutphilly blog.
now i need to figure out how to send an RSS feed to friends with minimal pain and suffering (and time investment)…
Pre-Trip Insanity
Kristin and I are leaving in SIX DAYS!!! aaahhh so much to do still! Mostly packing and getting cleaned up around my house…but still final details like figuring out how we’re going to get to the airport (BOLT bus or Greyhound?), and filling the rest of the days with activities!
I had started to plan things on TripIt, but I really found that annoying. Microsoft Works has a great "Vacation Planning" Template is much easier to use, and more comprehensive too it looks like! I was sitting in a really boring training at work on Monday, and I made a list of everything I needed to do before I left!!
Ordered a bunch of books from Amazon, so excited! One is a general reference book about the history of Peru, it’s huge. Also a book on what to eat and how to order it in Peru, and a couple of travel guides. I wanted to order the Cusco city guide as well, but it would need to be ordered through the South American Explorers Club and I don’t know if I’ll get it in time!! I’m hoping the hostel or the SAE Clubhouse in Cusco will have the book that someone left (and also a Lonely Planet or a Rough Guide :)
Ok, time to focus and get some more done….gonna figure out how to update the blog and send out an email link to friends at the same time…
new exciting beginning
I just got a new computer! so stoked. its teeny, takes some getting used to such a small keyboard. But being able to sit outside and work is awesome! Have just gotten soo much more done! Obviously I got the computer for the trip to Peru, it will be great to keep in touch & blog while Kristin & I are on the road. Just have to get a plug adapter now….
Of course, I also got it to WRITE!!! This is most what I’m excited about. I’m hoping I can squeeze in more time to work on some of these unfinished stories….but first I have to get caught up on some of the stuff I didn’t get to do last week. Ugh. Guess I have a week of sneaking in half an hour at lunch to look forward to. Not that I’m complaining, it actually worked out pretty darn good on Friday! Typed whatever it was I was working on in the MS Works Word Processor, then uploaded it to whatever web page when I got home. I forget what it was even now…yikes.
I’ve already booted IE and am not going to buy Word software. I like Works just fine. Hoping that compatibility issues will not come back to haunt me…. It does end up running ridiculously slow when I have facebook up. Will have to see how that goes…
AND the computer has a webcam! I look atrocious on the screen, LOL. If I ever take videos I’m going to have to get a really good light source and put on a ton of makeup!
Conversations like this early in the morning ruin my equilibrium for the day
Phone rings @ 8:50 am. I just got off the Commodore Barry Bridge and am negotiating the Flower Street construction (stressful enough!).
Me: Hello?
Girl on phone: Hi, my name is Lindsay and I’m calling from RenStaff, I just saw your resume on Monster.com and am wondering if you are still looking for work.
(A pause as I comprehend this)
Me: I’m sorry, did you say RenStaff?
Girl: Yes, RenStaff, we’re a worldwide staffing company.
Me: Um, yeaahhhhh, I’m actually employed by RenStaff right now….. (almost blow a red light watching the backhoes across the street. sip coffee)
Girl: Oh yeah?
Me: Yes, I’m assigned to This Bank as a mortgage processor right now, I worked with the Sugar Mills office.
Girl: Oh yeah??! That’s where I am!
Me: Er….
Girl: Well, there’s a new class starting Wednesday…do you think you have any friends who….(trails off)
Me: Um, well, I do know one person who I was going to refer, but (crap, I think she got a job) actually wait, I DO know someone else who has a job (but I’m not giving you his number) so uh, I actually have Lauren’s contact info, so I could send her info on to him? Lauren…Smith, she’s the one I worked with.
Girl: Oh, yes, she and I are working together on this project. That would be great!
Me: (totally lost now) Ok, um, I’m at work now, I’ll ask him if he’s interested and pass along the info.
Girl: Great, thanks so much!
Me: ….Bye?
I am not sure if I should find this conversation amusing, or be concerned that they are going to replace me….names have been changed to protect the stupid….
old friends, old feelings
Was just scrolling through the profiles of some of my “friends” on facebook and something occurred to me. Okay, two things occurred to me.
1. I am surprised to see that I have “29 friends in common” with someone. I don’t know if this has to do more with the whole living in the moment thing or with my hopelessness with numbers, but I’m surprised that I know 29 people period, let alone 29 people who know someone else I know. My mind boggles at the bigness of the world.
2. As I glance over profiles from friends from a long time ago (college, before….some of those I can’t even call “friends,” I think), I wonder what their feelings and memories toward me are. Like, when someone sees a friend request from me, do they only add me because they don’t want to hurt my feelings? Or do they think, hey I haven’t seen her in awhile, miss hanging out with her, oh I remember that time when, wonder what she’s been up to…..?
I’ve found some people that I’m glad to be back in touch with again. “In touch” via facebook often meant very loosely–they haven’t sent me a single personal message but I get their status updates all the time. Can’t help but wonder what they think when they “add me.”
I really only add people that I am interested in communicating with. Facebook is much too nosy to broadcast life to relative strangers (at least the new version is). But I don’t always reach out, mostly I guess because I am worried about what their real memories of me are–did I annoy them to death? Was I mean or rude? Was I selfish? Honesty like that is kind of rare, so I guess I won’t ever know.
I think I should write a story on this.
